Chapter Last
“10 August
I always liked numbers which divide by three. Which is what makes this even sadder- the fact that I’m not going to see my thirty-third birthday. But I can’t push this any further. Karan will be back on Friday and I must give consider a day or two’s hospitalization in case things go wrong. I don’t want him to come home to me living. He does not deserve it.”
After writing this letter, Krishna Panwar put the pen down and sighed.
“I wish there was a fireplace here.”
She plucked out the cheap plastic-y lighter from her jeans and lighted one end of the paper. Her long manicured fingers held up the other edge of the rapidly crumbling paper she had taken four attempts to write. She let the embers fall over the desk, leaving burn marks on the table. One more sight that will rile up Karan- “Good”, she thought to herself and smiled a little more.
She picked up her small frame from the chair and ambled over to the kitchen. She needed to drink a little more before she could finally do it. She tucked a bottle of chardonnay under her left arm, picked up the butcher’s knife from the stand in her right hand and headed for the roof.
Her petite figure seemed to shrink even more under the moonless night. The unnatural darkness gave her skin an almost radiant quality. She drank in absolute silence, trying to make sense of the deafening shrieks in her head.
She had a nervous twitch in her foot and by the time she finished the bottle she had started pacing. She kept her phone and the knife on the edge of the roof. She was knew this wasn’t the way it was supposed to end. She knew he would be disappointed. But then also knew she could never muster the courage to run away with him.
It was now 8 PM.
*Text message received* It was him.
Krishna checked the message, smiled and then threw the phone over the roof’s edge. As its pieces clattered in different directions two storeys below, she said out loud, to the sender, “Thanks.”
She then slashed her wrists and bled to death.
The End.
Chapter Last.
Sabyasachi Roy had had a long day. Several hours of hysterical women and girls crying and the efforts to calm them down drained all his energy. He had been rather positive in the morning- Mrs. Panwar was his favorite patient and today was one of her last therapy sessions.
She said she would speak to her husband for a divorce over the weekend. She told him she would try to stay strong. But he told her she didn’t have to. He told her it was OK to take the easy way out for once.
He turned on the TV as background while he fixed his dinner in the kitchen- Leftover chicken and rice. He poured two inches of scotch for himself and brought out the plate and glass to the dining table.
The news anchor by now was shouting at ten different people at once. Sabya turned down the volume and stretched out his long legs on to the chair opposite him. He picked up his phone and started browsing aimlessly, while eating without paying any special attention.
Suddenly he saw Mrs Panwar’s name in the contact list. It made him smile, despite himself. She was definitely getting closer to the goal. She could finally think for herself, decide what she wanted and he even felt she was getting strong enough to make the final decision.
He typed out a text message- “Whatever you choose, you’re doing the right thing”, and kept the phone aside. Yes, that should be it.
It was 8 PM. He switched channels to his favorite show.
Chapter Two
15 May
“But Maa, he’s not….No. He does not beat me. Is that what you’re always waiting for?”
*indecipherable crackling through the receiver”
“That’s not true. I’m…I don’t want to fight! And you, you know I have tried everything to make this…”
*more indecipherable crackling through the receiver”
“I DON’T WANT TO HAVE KIDS! HOW MANY TIMES DO I..NO, I JUST…”
*screaming through the phone which goes on for a while*
Krishna was quietly sobbing by now. The kitchen island was her refuge whenever she spoke to her mother. Unthinkingly she traced the marbling on the countertop with her fingers, which now had a smudge of kajal on their insides. A tear drop on the back of her palm snapped her out of the stupor and she hung up the phone.
“Maa I have to go. Sorry.”
She whispered to the phone, “Happy anniversary to you.”
She shook her head, as if to clear the last hour of hate and despise from settling in her blood. She got up and lit a cigarette by the window.
She’d spoken to her mother after nearly four months. She finally felt she was in a place to have an open conversation with her mother about her decision to divorce Karan. She longed to tell her mother than Karan was having an affair, just like her father had, eleven years ago. And she longed to tell her mother that she wants to break out of this emotional neglect, very unlike her mother who stayed on, for the ‘sake of the children’. Her mother had stayed on at great personal sacrifice too, giving up pieces of her former self, her bright smile, her soothing mental calm; until she became the shrieking woman on the phone that day, who couldn’t understand how Krishna could just decide to end the suffering.
It was true after all, the thing women feared most was turning into their mothers.
She called the clinic to set up another session with Dr. Roy for the next week.
Chapter Two
01 May
Sabya was really looking forward to the day. Mrs. Panwar was completing her three months with him and he really felt they were making headway. Little did he know the events of day would be taking a dramatic turn.
A few hours later, Sabya took a long sip from his glass and emptied the drink. He set down the glass a little too hard and the ice clattered violently against its transparent walls. He was extremely nervous. The afternoon session had been a very difficult one and it left him unsure of what decision Mrs. Panwar would take. He poured himself another drink.
She had come in a positive mood and was eager to talk in the first five minutes, until she mentioned that she was considering having a baby to save her marriage.
She started mentioning how Karan had started taking her out again, how she felt he finally looked at her when they spoke now, and how all he ever spoke about was build a family with her.
It was utterly revolting to hear all this for Sabya. Nothing he said was being taken in by Mrs. Panwar. But he also knew this kind of attempt would undo all the months of hard work and progress in getting her to this stage.
He pushed himself from his chair and kissed her. His hand on the back of her neck could feel her giving in to him. And he kissed her again.
Mrs. Panwar couldn’t stop her tears while she left his office that day. Straightening her blouse, she had told Sabya that they wouldn’t see each other again. Sabya had reached out and held her arm while breathing into her hair, “Stay, please.”
His drink was over by now and Sabya felt more relaxed. He knew what he did was the only way to ensure things moved ahead.
Chapter One
28 April
Krishna was nervously running her fingertips across her purse when the receptionist told her to head inside, Dr. Roy was waiting for her.
She half considered not going in. But then Karan would gloat over how much of an effort he has made to save their marriage while she couldn’t even sit through a single therapy session. And the very thought of that smirk on her husband’s face was enough to get her to push open the door.
A tall, handsome man was at the desk, welcoming her inside. Dr. Sabyasachi Roy read his desk plate.
Two hours later she felt very disconnected leaving the room. Almost guilty. Almost in pain. She had spoken to him about her fears, her marriage, her faults , but this was normal. She was shocked she had told him so much about her dreams and her dance. She had never talked about those even to her family in the past year. Ever since the affair.
She couldn’t shake off the feeling that she had opened up her entire life to him, and he had kept pieces of her being for himself. She walked on faster to force her thoughts elsewhere.
That night, at home, she dreamt of being naked on a table. And when she turned to her right, she saw the doctor, with bloodied lips and red flecks on his cheeks, digging into her flesh with a knife.
Karan did not wake up to her scream of horror.
Chapter One
28 April
“This is the one I have been waiting for,” thought Sabya.
Mrs. Krishna Panwar would be his last patient. She was what Sabya had been looking for for over 2 years.
She was perfect- early thirties, black hair, petite body, and she danced. All boxes checked.
Sabya hadn’t felt this rush of energy since the last time. He was ready to give up his previous life after this one last woman. And while he assessed her to be only in need of some attention from her husband, he also knew it would be the best challenge to convince her otherwise.
He had to be smart. Smart and patient.
That night he made extensive notes about all that she had told him. He put down every important detail which he knew he could use later- her issues with her father, her deep insecurity with her hands, her obsessive need to be told that she was wanted. They would all play an important part in his plan.
The last point he wrote made him chuckle. “She has an obsession for the number 3.” Perfect- she’s going to be the third of the Trifecta.
He put down his pen, satisfied and said to himself, “Mrs. Panwar, you are going to love dying, aren’t you?”
With that he closed up his journal, put back the newspaper clippings and notes of his previous victims and set off for dinner. Rice and chicken today.
One clipping remained on the floor. It was dated to two years back.
“Thirty two year old, single mother and school teacher Ms. Roohi Malik was found hanging in her apartment this morning. She had sent her son off to her sister’s house in the morning and had informed her she would be picking him up the next day. But on not getting any response to her calls and messages, her sister informed the police. Ms. Malik was a classical dance teacher at Ridgefields International School.
Ms. Malik was undergoing treatment for depression for several months. She has allegedly been abused by her ex-husband and had recently started counselling sessions for herself.”
