Stardust
Much more than the finality of death, I fear the incomplete, unwritten pages of life. And this lifetime, just wasn’t complete enough.
You and I, we deserve a right lifetime. And once the dust has settled on my grave, and the ashes of your pyre have cooled to a dusty white, we will dream again, my love.
Dream of a reality that doesn’t make us claw our hearts out. Let there be no rules and boundaries in our minds or hearts. Let me melt into you where and when and how I want without a moment’s hesitation to consider the next. Let me never bear the burden of living with you in the same world and never seeing you. Let us be at the center of this universe…after all we’re made of stardust.
Let me sit across you in a park and lock eyes with you one warm wintry afternoon. And you can come up and ask me about the book I am reading. I can see almost see you spread your palms to hold my words as I pour out all my wistful and wishful dreams in that warm wintry afternoon. That warm wintry afternoon I become an acquaintance, a friend and a soul mate to you over conversations that have spanned several years. In our dream darling, let that warm wintry afternoon be an epoch where you and I are becoming lovers under fading sunlight.
Let me find you atop the plastic slide, refusing to budge while childishly brandishing your fear of speed and height. Let me then push you in the middle of your excuses. Hear me laugh loudly when you slide down flailing. Run after me, madly, wildly and grab me with all your might. Let me feel the sand and pebbles on my face and legs and hands as you mock tackle and roll me. Laugh uncontrollably as I tickle your ribs. Smile at me through aching cheeks as I look at you and declare, “Round Two begins!”
Let me meet you at a coffee shop when I’m 76, a widow, a mother, a grandmother and a little lost in the evening bustle of beings. Join me for coffee and ask my name. Tell me what you adventures you had in the Army and ask me what I did in that war-torn summer. Stay till our throaty laughs end with me holding your wrinkled hands in mine. Ask me for a short walk and laugh with me when I notice our matching walking sticks. Ask me out for a date and God I hope you smile that smile of yours, when I blush at that proposal. Sit with me by the ocean side, and let an old universe gaze at us old souls and shine a little brighter that night.
Let me be the designated driver for our cross country adventure, because even in our dreams honey, I drive better. Play that song you know drives me insane just to see my nostrils flare and my eyes go small. Laugh and change tracks to the song we both unfailingly sing miserably. Repeat track. Run your fingers through my windswept hair while telling me about your college-buddy trip. Curse loudly at every bump I hit and be a smart mouth about how at least you’re a safe driver. Watch sunrises and sunsets and azure skies and pattering rains through your window. When our windshield reflects the Milky Way, watch with child-like awe and wonder. Let us then wish upon a falling star for the night to spread its ink deeper.
Let me sit with you on darker side of the roof, the side no one knows about, after midnight. Listen to my drunken ramblings about the shapes of the constellations in the sky, which only I can see. I’ll shake my head at you when you tell me that the stars in my constellations are lovers who can’t be together despite being with each other for eternity. Let me kiss you, and smile when I say that was only to silence you. Then kiss me back and tell me that we’re made of stardust…
