The Lies We Tell Ourselves
“There’s no better way to overpower a trickle of doubt than with a flood of naked truth”. Strange to hear such pearls of wisdom from the textbook definition of a conniving politician, Frank Underwood, but honest words they are. And in my opinion, the worst brunt of our lies are faced by that person we see in the mirror every day. Here are few of the choicest ones.
“He is a really nice guy, I mean once you get to know him he’s just really nice. Like really, really nice.”
There should be a government approved limit to the number of ‘really’s after which we can safely certify a statement as being a ‘really’ bad attempt to conceal a lie. If you have to use so many reallys, you could be saying one of two things. Either, everything else that you say, which has less than 50% of the sentence as ‘really’, is a lie! Or that you’re so unconvinced about this man, you’re trying to trick your own mind into believing this lie. Either ways, every time I see someone do this, I feel like taking them by the shoulders and shaking some sense into them. Alas, this can’t be done efficiently with a mirror.
“I’m sure she doesn’t like me like that. Plus I don’t want to lose her as a friend.”
You think only boys get ‘friend zoned’? Think again. According to a recent study, over 50 percent of the occupants of this zone are females. Dear young man, if someone has ever brought to your attention, that you are the subject of a young girl’s affection, excuse all such hesitation and do some romantic preparation. Friends can get attracted to each other, but, of course you know that! That’s exactly what’s got you all in twists and you’re coming up with clichéd excuses like this one.
“He’s probably just busy. He mustn’t have read my message!”
Actually thanks to Whatsapp’s blue ticks and Last Seen at features, you will get an inkling of how busy they are exactly. So this makes lying a tad bit difficult. It gets worse when you’re maniacally waiting for their response and you see them come online, *Your eyes shine with hope and you drool rainbows*,and then just like that they disappear again. At this point, a mad desire to reach out to them through this little handheld device and prod them into replying takes over. (Or wait, is it just me? )I’m sure the scientists have identified this need and are currently working to enhance the tactile features of the smart phones. I’ll wait for that portal equipped iPhone10 thank you very much.
“I think she likes me.”
Yeah yeah! I know what I wrote a couple of lines before this. But hey, we lie to ourselves in all formats and situations OK? Over here, a young man thinks the exact opposite of his self-friend zoned compadre. Statisticians will call this a Type II error- the failure to reject a null hypothesis. She doesn’t really, really like you, like really. And somewhere in your heart, you know she didn’t mean to touch your arm for five Mississippis, for God’s sake, it was a cramped bus with no room to even crane your neck! But in the immortal words of Aerosmith, ‘Dream On!’
“I don’t have an addiction. I only drink/smoke when I’m happy/sad”
People who smoke only when you drink- I have news for you, two negatives do not make a positive! It’s not like the liver and lungs say ‘Ah, there! Now we are even. Let’s drink to this!’ You drink when you’re happy, and since the aim of life is to strive for ‘happyness’, congratulations for having condemned yourself to a life a alcoholism. And wine will definitely make you happy! So nice little never ending loop you got yourself there. I will drink my whiskey/read Twilight/watch Grey’s Anatomy/listen to Honey Singh as and when I please and never shall I apologize for these harmless pleasures. I mean who needs all those brain cells anyways!
“Dieting starts tomorrow. As does the cycling, gym, getting up early. And everything else.”
Why do people say tomorrow never comes? Tomorrow is a beautiful place. Where dreams live on. It’s the today which absolutely sucks. Dream die today. Why? Because the alarm goes off at 5:50am. And you remembered the Biblical verse, ‘The soul is willing, but the flesh is tired.’ And you thank God for the snooze button. And standing in line for food, you realize you can’t skimp on lunch today because you have an important meeting and you need to be well-fed for it. And then, you’ve had a long day, and gym can wait for one more day- after all the membership is paid for the whole year right, and it’s only been three months of no show. Bah! Today sucks!
“I’m going to work my posterior off till forty and then quit. And then travel the world and start a shack by the beach in Goa.”
Imagine this- would a posterior-less person enjoy sitting in a Gondola? *Giggle giggle*
You know how many beach shacks have been opened by workaholics who were slogging at their desks for twenty years? I’m guessing not enough for you to shape your entire future on. One achievement leads to another. Your trophy wife would need money for her French shopping trips and your kids would need the latest Audi to be dropped to school in. And once your housing society has depreciated to the second costliest society, you’ll have to move out to a swankier costlier 4 BHK. You think you’ll give that up? Well, if you do, I owe you a treat!
(This might seem sexist- ‘Women can also chase their careers blindly!’ Well, its my experience and understanding, that like a lot of other spheres of life, women generally are more sensible in this one too and align their goals better.)
There’ll be second edition. I’ll write a sequel to this one. Tomorrow.
=P
