‘The Ship of Theseus’ is the Reason Why You Shouldn’t Go Back to Him
A Wikipedia introduction to the Greek paradox, The Ship of Theseus:
The ship wherein Theseus and the youth of Athens returned from Crete had thirty oars, and was preserved by the Athenians down even to the time of Demetrius Phalereus, for they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their places, insomuch that this ship became a standing example among the philosophers, for the logical question of things that grow; one side holding that the ship remained the same, and the other contending that it was not the same.
— Plutarch, Theseus[2]
Plutarch thus questions whether the ship would remain the same if it were entirely replaced, piece by piece.
And my answer is NO!
The ship is not the same.
Rebounding to your ex can seem romantic, a sign of fate or even heroic. You can be enamoured by the past, or so scared of the loneliness. It might seem like the perfect choice to re-create the familiar.
But the kicker is that,
A. You want the person, because you loved them at a point of time. Let’s call it time T.
B. You broke up, because of the persons you and they had become at a certain point in your relationship. Let’s call it (T+t).
C. After the breakup, at time (T+t + Remorse) when they ask to get back again, you’re hoping they are like ‘T’, minus all the dormant negatives which became clear at time (T+t);
D. Even though you yourself are at personality (T+t + Remorse), with possible additions and deletions from state T.
How is this going to work?
The Japanese put back broken crockery with gold filling in an art form called Kintsugi. The philosophy underlying the practice is to not hide the damage, but rather celebrate and illuminate the repairs.
Getting back with an ex, is the opposite of that.
Getting back with an ex, is an attempt to start something new — but that’s a lie, because what you want is to go back to the start. To have the cup unbroken by rough hands, and to have it glistening and clinking and shiny.
It is trying to convince yourself, that with amidst all the missing, replaced, missing, old, broken parts — this relationship will be just as beautiful as the one you remember in your memories.
That with all the changes, this is still the Ship of Theseus.
But if you change a habit, a quirk, a dream for someone — and replace it something new — are you really the same?
Is the person infront of you, the same?
Is anyone?
